My friend has cancer

My friend has cancer. It's hard to let those words roll out. But, that's what I heard yesterday.

Maybe it is harder, still, due to the scare we had July 23. As Gail was taken to the ER for some physical symptoms, and after a series of CT scans and MRI's, with Gail on the ER bed and with me by her side we hear the words- cold, blunt: "I'm nearly certain you have a malignant brain tumor and it is likely inoperable." Our world falls apart. But, as I've written about, after a second opinion and a team of neurosurgeons, we are told it is unlikely that it is a malignant tumor. It may be something that has been there most of her life. No other symptoms to date.

For us, it is a much longer story. I'm grateful for each day of health and no symptoms for Gail. During that awful weekend, these close friends cried with me/us. We hurt; they hurt.

Now, just months later, I'm on the other end of the phone hearing, "I have cancer. They plan to start chemotherapy tomorrow..." (This is after a series of multiple tests over a period of weeks, and pathology reports coming back yesterday.) They hurt; I hurt. Oh, that is way too simplistic, for it is much deeper than "hurt."

The husband is a really close friend of mine- for 20 years. She, too. She is about to graduate from seminary and will now need to put that on hold this semester. They are gems. Quality.

So, here we go with the immediate and unanswerable question: "Why?" I have long left the theory behind when these things emerge that says, "God has a purpose in this. There's a reason for everything that happens." A purpose that people would suffer? A reason for someone to get really sick from intensive chemotherapy treatments? A purpose behind- as I've heard it from some who have gone through chemo- "I felt so sick that I just wanted to die?" A reason for someone who is actively loving God and loving others, and living in the way of Jesus- a reason that sometimes there are people like that whose lives come to a premature end in the fullness of life?

No, that doesn't work for me. That would make no sense. It is some of the very things I pondered, again, that weekend of July 23rd. Now, I know you can point me to volumes and volumes of those who have written about suffering, theodicy and how to make sense of evil in the world. I've read some of them. It is a question that will be pondered and debated, and more importantly, wrestled with at the deepest levels of our being forever.

I feel like I can merely scratch the surface when I muster up the statement, and enter the mystery, that God is God. Our finitude cannot grasp the fullness of this, and the tragic repercussions of evil. I concur with what Marva Dawn wrote recently about "...the fundamental dialectical truth that God is both good and almighty....If we begin with trust that God is both good and almighty, then we look elsewhere for the reasons behind suffering." (p. 22-23, In the Beginning, GOD). I believe that God is both good and almighty, even when I can't understand.

Here's the other thing: this morning- January 8, one day after hearing about my friend's pathology report on January 7- it was this morning, in my early time of prayer, that I open my daily guide with scripture and prayer and it begins: "I am the LORD who heals you."- Exodus 15:26 (NLT) Thomas Keating writes in the reflection, "Divine love has the power to grow and transform us." And the page ends with, "'I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD."- Jeremiah 30:17 (NIV)

I won't even address the issue of the "coincidence" or whether this January 8 topic was "meant to be." What matters to me, is this concept of healing.

I understand the thought of "the LORD who heals." About 12 years ago, at a time of darkness and loss, when I wondered whether it would happen, I began the process of being healed. Over time. A long time. I know what this is talking about.

Right now, this is what I desire in this situation: healing. I can't even know what that will look like or how or when. But, I am praying- pleading- for healing. Healing for my friend from her cancer. Healing for her devoted husband and family. And, for me and all the others who love them.

So, healing it is. Through tears, and with hope, I will pray for healing.