Friday, July 31, 2009

Our personal world turned upside down

I am crying a lot these days. We, Gail and I, have shed a ton of tears.

Two huge happenings in our lives.

Today is Gail's (my wife) last day on staff with Young Life. That may not sound so startling; people change jobs/ministry quite a bit. This is different than a more typical job change. Gail has served almost 32 years in this ministry, the past 10 as one of the senior vice presidents for field ministry.

So, this is a time of grief. Loss. Deep grief. I can't begin to describe what it has felt like over the past several weeks, and I certainly can't fully understand what it feels like for Gail.

I do want to say this: I am totally proud of Gail in the way she has led and leads, in the way she empowers others to most fully use their gifts, for the tremendous impact she has had on kids and Young Life, and her powerful relational style-full of love-she exercises with her staff.

She will be used in significant ways in the next steps of her life. (Gail would be embarrassed for me to write these things.)

But, it is still grief. And, then, more grief, coupled with shock...

A week ago yesterday, we ended up in the emergency room after Gail was experiencing some headaches and some other symptoms. The shorter story: after a battery of tests, and several MRI's, and waiting hours for the physicians to report back...

...a radiologist and then neurosurgeon come into our room and say that they've spotted a brain tumor. Brain tumor. Do you know what that sounds like when you hear it? Brain tumor. I can still see the look in Gail's face, and feel the numbness that ran through my body. Surreal.

Not only that- he said that he is pretty sure it is a malignant tumor, is in a position deep in Gail's brain, and is likely inoperable. He said that a biopsy is what he would recommend and then we would know for sure. Not only were we in shock, terrified, and numb, but we felt little hope. We wept in each others' arms. Then, that night, and in the days that followed.

For a number of reasons, we decided that we were getting a second opinion and that next day, Friday, we searched high and low for any connections with a reputable neurosurgeon.

It's a longer story, and maybe I'll write more about it at some point, but we got a call out of the blue late Friday afternoon from a top neurosurgeon in the Northwest. A gift. He said his brother called, after hearing about Gail's situation from a prayer network in the Northwest, and wondered if he might call us. I could tell immediately this was a brillant neurosurgeon, confident, resourceful, and had compassion. I cried. An angel? (One friend said, "I think it was Jesus calling!")

We were put in touch with an amazing, exceptional neurosurgeon here in Denver who has been marvelous. After looking at the MRI, and consulting with others, he has said it is tricky, uncertain if it is malignant or benign, and is pursuing various tests to help diagnose this mass.

It may be malignant or benign. It may be operable or inoperable, or partially removable. It may or may not need to be removed. We are waiting.

We have been given so much more hope, even with the uncertainty facing us. We are so grateful for competent, compassionate medical professionals.

And, we are so grateful for the flood of emails, calls and cards (and other expresssions of love) from people coast to coast. We are empowered by the prayers of thousands (one friend has kicked in a network of prayer in West Africa where he said there are 1,000 people each hour praying for us!). We do not take this lightly. This prayer for healing and for us as a family.

So we wait. We plead for healing. I know God wants us to pray what is on our heart and mind.

Our world has been rocked. But, I know we have the Rock and Refuge, and as one in our new church has said, "We will be your rock!"

That has been taking place and we are blown away by the love of others and people who are praying fervently. As we wait, and find our hope in God, I'm so thankful for this.

3 comments:

Needle, Thimble and Thread said...

Thoughts of you and Gail will fill our hearts and prayers.

With love,
christine, eric, douglas and sarah

Unknown said...

"Be still and know that I am God"
May the peace of God that passes all understand be with you at this time.

It's only Jesus that makes all well. I pray and believe for the Lord's report and not the physician's report.

Moses Kyobe

Myriam0815 said...

You do not walk alone through the "Valley of Baca." We love you!

Miriam & Kenton